Seriously! Really!

So, we got a notice on the door from DHL saying they had attempted to deliver a package. It needed to be signed for so they could not just leave it. We are not home during the day so I called the service number the next morning to make other arrangements. After being routed through the automated system, I received a message that the number was no longer a working number and to please call this other number. So, I hung up and called this other number which led me through the same system and to a message that said this is not a working number and to please call this other number (which was the number I had just called). So I tried a few more times during the day and received the same message.
Needless to say, I was getting a little heated at this point. When I got home, there was another notice saying that was the final delivery attempt. Knowing the service number was "not working", I hopped online and found a live chat option. Here is the transcript from my chat with the "shipment specialist":

Paul: Welcome to DHL Live Chat. How may I assist you today?
Peggy: Hi Paul, I tried to call dhl this morning concerning a notice on my door. I can't get through to talk to anyone. I get a message that says not a working #, call this # and then that number says the same thing.
Peggy: We are not home during the day to receive packages and I wanted to make other arrangements. Today I received a second notice and I don't want that package returned to sender.
Paul: I'll be glad to help you with that. Please give me a moment while I check the records for you.
Peggy: thanks
Paul: Please confirm us do you wish to pick up the package from the service center.
Peggy: is there another way to receive the package? The service center is not close to me.
Paul: The next delivery attempt will be made on the next business day, barring any unforeseeable delays.
Peggy: the notice I received today said it was the final attempt. Does the local office have a number I can call?
Paul: Due to security reasons I am unable to provide the contact number.
Peggy: So, what about the final attempt notice?
Paul: You can also contact our customer service at 1-800-225-5345. Once you contact our DHL representative will be glad to assist you further.
Peggy: That phone number does not work. It leads me through a bunch of questions and ends with "this is not a working number please call 1-800-225-5345", which is the number I just dialed.
Paul: Its the customer service number.
Peggy: But it does NOT work. Where do I go from there?
Paul: You can re try the number once.
Peggy: I have called the number several times today. IT DOES NOT WORK.
Paul: You have the option to pick up the package from the service center.
Peggy: What's the deal with the service number that does not work?
Paul: I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Peggy: Paul, what country are you in?
Paul: We are located in Tempe,AZ.
Peggy: Where is my local dhl office so I can pick up the package?
Paul: The service center address is 2631 KRAMER LANE, AUSTIN, TX 78758. It will be open till 7:30 PM.
Peggy: So, why can I not talk to somebody using the service center phone number?
Paul: I sincerely apologize. Due to security reasons it is not possible for me to provide the service center phone number.
Peggy: I am not asking for a phone number for the local office. I am asking why your 1-800-225-5345 does not work.
Paul: Please give me a moment while I research this for you.Paul: Due to some technical error it might not have been working. However I request you can re try after some time.
Peggy: I will pick up the package by tomorrow afternoon at the office in Austin.
Peggy: Please make sure to note that so they do not send it back.
Paul: I will forward the message not to return the shipment to the sender.
Peggy: thank you
Paul: I have forwarded a message to the service center not to return the shipment.
Peggy: later
Paul: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Peggy: no

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! I know it's the blasted service number...I've called it a hundred times today! And what's the deal with the security reasons for the local office to not have a phone number? Good Grief!

Here's another funny...When I went to pick up the package, I notice their motto is "Anything, Anytime, Anywhere". Then I notice a sign that listed like twenty things they would not ship. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

p.s. The title of this blog comes from a hilarious segment of SNL. It's on on Thursday nights on NBC.